Sunday, February 26, 2012
Miriam's small moment piece
Its 6:28 pm on Tuesday February 7, 2012. I leave my apartment to come to class. I start walking up 95th towards Amsterdam avenue. I turn onto Amsterdam avenue as I always do to go to 7-11 and get my soda. I decided to cross over to the other side of Amsterdam avenue and kept walking toward 93rd street. My eyes look across the street and suddenly I see an orange apartment! I was in shock! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I realized that a third floor apartment was on fire. I stalled for a minute trying to see if everything was okay. Then I heard a lot of screaming. Someone was screaming "HELP! I'M STUCK!". I was completely horrified. I then reached into my purse to grab my phone and call 911. As I was about to dial, I saw five other people doing the same thing. I thought... at least I'm not the only one taking action here. Usually in these situations, people assume that other people are taking action and therefore they don't have to. I walked into 7-11 and got my soda. When I got to the cashier he said, "something smells funky". I replied, "well there is a fire in the building up the street on 94th and Amsterdam!" He finished ringing me up and we went outside. I was getting nervous because I did not hear any sirens coming down the road. I took out my phone and as I decided to call again I heard many sirens coming up Amsterdam avenue, so I put the phone away. I waited two minutes before I walked toward the subway. I wanted to stay and see what happened but I was going to be late to class so I got on the subway.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Mariam: I really like that you chose such a thrilling small moment to write about. I remember when I first saw my big fire, the whole scene is very intense! I also like your description where you said you saw an orange apartment. It was a really interesting way to segue into the fire. I didn't expect what was to come.One recommendation that I have for you is for you to find various ways to say I. You've used the word I multiple times, and if it was used less I think the story would have a better flow. Aside from that, I just feel like small moments need a lot of extra minute details because they are so magnified. I wonder if you could try to add more descriptions. For example you said "I was horrified" but then you went on to say you took out your phone. I think it would help your piece read better if you let the reader understand how horrified you actually were. Hope this helps.
ReplyDelete